I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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