So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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