U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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