I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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