My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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