how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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