My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
