I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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