went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
