The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
