i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
