I love black thongs
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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