Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
