The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
