Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
