Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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