Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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