That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
