he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
