Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
