I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
