I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
