It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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