is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You made out with two different species that night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
