I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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