please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I love you. Go after that dick
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
