awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
