Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
