This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
