All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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