Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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