I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she peed on how many people?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
