to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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