you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
