sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
