the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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