I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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