24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
