dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
