Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
