My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize