i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
