He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
