it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
