and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize