he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
