I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I party with great urgency now.
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