Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
