Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
never play flip cup with pint glasses
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
