I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
