did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
