ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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