Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i think my mom watched the whole time
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
