So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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