We're like a lot better than the average bears
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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