I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
