you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
