Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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