Screwed.edu
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
