Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
