Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
