The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
