"it" just moved
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
only you would photoshop your dick
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
