Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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