Having a random hookup so left but love u
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
