Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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