note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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