this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
