Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize