When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
