And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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