I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
