she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
