NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
