Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
