I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
