I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think your dad took our porno
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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